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Joey acts cool, like he's nobodies fool,
But I'll tell you what he's really like.
In days gone Roxy was his lover,
Still it really breaks him up inside.

Granddad's goin' crazy.
The ol' man's just plain lazy
Ignorant, obnoxious shifter.
Hasn't worked since bombing Hitler.
Mother works for hours,
Cleaning, cooking for the others.
Says "it's gods will and goes on her way."

Adrian's a queer one.
He's got a girl called Carmen.
All she ever talks about is sex.
He always gets so mad
Cos she says he's no good at it
When she finally gets him into bed.

Aveline, the daughter
Wants to be a model
Get her face in Vogue and be a hit.
She's built like a skinny Sam Fox.
Every time the camera lens cocks
It drops from her face down to her tits.

Freddie cleans the gutter.
Full of dirt just like the smut
He's brought upon the Boswell Family.
Left his wife to live with Lilo
Lil, a tart, but still he claims that
All he really wants is to be free.

Billy's married Julie
Everybody said "the fool
He should'a waited first to grow up"
At night he shares her bed as lovers,
But each day goes home to mother,
Every breakfast, dinner, tea and lunch.

Well that leaves Jack to end this chapter,
Full of joy and laughter.
Doesn't have a worry in the world.
No monthly trials or tribulations,
Like the rest of his relations.
He says the answer to no problems is no girls.