Dave Keats songs are ©  copyright protected.

Two Legged Chair

Pamela went to the charity store
Looking for a bargain.
She went there anytime she was free
As early as she could in the morning.
Making sure that she was first in line
To snap up the latest offerings there.
Last Tuesday she outdid herself
When she snapped up a two legged chair.

In the past she'd purchased so much junk
No use to anybody anywhere or anything.
Betamax tapes, food past it's sell by date,
She even bought a broken kitchen sink.
A puncture repair kit though she didn't own a bike.
A safe deposit box with no keys to open it.
Jigsaws with the pieces missing.
I've never known a person buy so much shit

So she took the chair home, stood it up,
But it fell right back down.
And when she propped it up in the corner
Only then did she understand
Not only were the legs missing
But the ones there didn't match.
One four foot long, bar stool leg
And the other was only two foot six.

So Pamela returned it the next chance she had
Saying "the leg shrank in the washing machine",
But the check out girl said "you can't bring it back.
It's your fault. You should have used the gentle settings with a short spin".
"But hot and long was was what I used"
Said Pamela claiming "everybody knows.
The government warned us about these places
Where the sellers all smell of the menopause".

Written 28th August 2017.