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Ivor's Got A Kite

Ivor's Got A Kite, but it won’t fly
Because it’s made of stone.
Try as he will, he took it right up on the hill
He threw it long and wide, but it came down and blackenned Mrs Murphy’s eye.
Well isn’t that just shite?

Mrs Murphy took the stand, when asked if Ivor was the man
Who made her look like that.
Yes she replied, his kite of stone blackenned my eye
As he threw it in the wind and when it hit me he just didn’t give a damn.
Inconsiderate twat.

The judge looked down asking Ivor “don’t you know
The meaning of gravity”?
Saying “I’m a simple man. I simply do not understand
I’m begging mercy now m’lord if you’ve a soul you let me go but if you don’t you can
Kiss my arse

Donning a flat black cap, the judge said that
You'll get the harshest penalty.
You'll be stoned to death, until you've breathed your last breath.
And Mrs Murphy cast the final lethal blow with you've guesed what,
Ivor's kite.

Putting on his black cap he banged his gabble on the the bench
And said “I sentence you to death”
In the morning you’ll be stoned until you breath no more
And Mrs Murphy got to throw the final fatal blow with you guessed it
Ivor’s kite.